Relationships are delicate, whether it is a romantic or familial relationship or simply a friendship. Many individuals, bodies or organizations often introduce or ‘reveal’ what they consider groundbreaking advice on relationships in attempt to make it better. Unfortunately, people take these advices without putting much consideration into it and find themselves in a fix when said advices fail.
Jumia Travel shares 4 misleading relationship advices in circulation and alternatives that can be of help instead. However, it is important to be aware of the fact that no one knows it all, you thus have to give thought to every advice that you are given and determine for yourself if it is sensible enough to follow.
RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BRING JOY AND NOT SADNESS
There are aspects of a relationship that are pure bliss, but to say that a relationship should continually bring joy relates the experience of being in a relationship to a fairytale. Relationships should not bring you sadness, but the truth is sometimes they do. If you are not prepared for this truth, you go into a relationship, especially a romantic relationship, and find yourself taken by surprise. You then conclude that because of a number sad moments in your relationship, it is has failed to give you joy and thus promptly end the relationship.
In relationships of any kind, especially those that you go into rather being born into, patience is key. Make peace with the fact that relationships do bring sadness, even though we don’t want it to be so. Weigh how much joy your relationship brings you against how much sadness it brings? Think of it critically. Decide how much of the not so beautiful parts of a relationship you are willing to endure before you decide to let go.
For relationships you are born into, blood relationships for example, even if things get ugly you can’t just opt out. Even if it does bring you more sadness than pain, you unfortunately cannot opt out of it so easily because blood ties are strong and nearly unbreakable. You must learn to make peace with such relationships and find a way to deal with it. You’ll eventually pull through.
TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING
This is a tricky one. But please don’t tell you partner or friend or sibling or parent in a relationship everything, especially if they do not ask. Instead of blurting out every sordid detail to them, pay them the greatest respect by giving them a choice – ask them if they want to know.
If you must be honest, don’t rob the person you are being honest to of their right to choose to know what you want to share. Pay them this respect and they will appreciate you for it, even if they end up not liking what you have to say. Remember; let it be their choice not yours.
HE/SHE SHOULD LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE
For a moment, think about someone or something you really love. Ask yourself if you have at any point tried to either make improvements to or make better that person or thing. Why do you then want someone to settle for you, without trying in some way to help you get better?
You try to improve what you love. You buy expensive clothes for your mother or father who cannot afford to buy expensive clothes, because you want them to look good, you want them to look better. You send your children to better schools than yourself, because you want them to have better opportunities than you did. You willingly share your salary with your siblings, so they can have enough money to afford some of the things you couldn’t afford when you were in the same position as they were, because you want to see them better. Trying to help the one you love improve and get better is a sign of love and acceptance. It is a sign that you are their only option, so they want to help you be the best of yourself.
See this as an expression of love, listen to them and try to make the improvements they suggest as much as you can. But with every advice, there is the option of taking or leaving it. When they make suggestions of improvements that are outside what you can accommodate or compromise, let them know. However they react to it is their choice, as you have already made yours. But the crux of the matter is do not reject your partner for trying to make you better, understand it as an expression of love and react to it with this knowledge.
FIGURE OUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES YOURSELF OR WITH YOUR PARTNER
No man is an island and even in relationships, you both cannot exist apart from everyone else. However, the fact that you should share your issues doesn’t mean you should share it with friends or family members. Please don’t. Instead share issues that you and your partner know in your heart cannot be solved between yourselves, with a professional – a third party that is not only experienced in their discipline but also has no personal connection to the two of you, someone who cannot in the long run take sides. For this reason, there a marriage counselors around the country and even in churches (for the Christians among you).
Please you cannot solve every issue in your relationship on your own or with your partner. Accept this truth and get help – the right help.
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