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The Importance Of Good Sex As A Black Woman- A. Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez

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As a black woman, the very act of existing is stressful. We’re only a few weeks into 2019, and the headlines are already reminding me why marginalized folks are exhausted—the news leaves my stomach in knots, social media stresses me the hell out, and I’m constantly feeling gaslit by commentators on TV. I feel the stress of being a black woman in my bones.

I’ve been looking for an effective coping strategy for years, but the anxiety of being a black woman is relentless. My brain buzzes on alert with everyday frustrations and painful past memories even when I sleep. “Living in a country that is so heavily steeped in systemic racism impacts our mental health in a number of ways,” says Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D., founder of Therapy for Black Girls. “The stress that we experience as a result of the often daily micro- and macro-aggressions can lead to increased anxiety, depression, anger, difficulty sleeping, and isolation.”

Exhausted, angry, and frustrated, I recently realized there’s only one situation in which I feel totally free of these feelings: after orgasm.

 

A radical reason for good sex

The idea that sex could help provide a salve against the news cycle isn’t totally crazy—we’ve all heard the long list of stress-reducingbenefits of orgasm. Resolving to have better sex as a form of self-care, however, felt a little bit like a joke at first. But the more I’ve tried to prioritize good sex, the more I understand just how important it is, especially for marginalized women.

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Like many black women, my relationship with sex is complicated. Catcalls, sexual harassment, objectification, and unwanted sexual attention have all eaten away at my connection to healthy sex as an adult—a familiar reality for many women (no matter the color of their skin) but especially for marginalized women. With few social barriers to protect us, black women’s trauma is everywhere: A 2018 study conducted by the National Women’s Law Center found black women file sexual harassment charges at three times the rate of white women.

Growing up, I internalized all of this. Sexuality was something that put you in danger and should be suppressed at all costs. So I made a sacrifice: fear sex to maintain my (relative) safety.

But I’m learning there is power in prioritizing good sex. “We often ask black folks, ‘If you don’t have agency over your own body, how do you plan to have political, social, and economic agency?’” say Rafaella Fiallo and Dalychia Saah, founders of Afrosexology. “Reclaiming your body is an act of resistance.” Slowly, I’m learning to let go of the shame hangover I’ve grown to expect after a night of dirty talk or showing off my cleavage. I’m reclaiming my body one orgasm at a time.

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Small acts of resistance

I’m not kidding myself. We can’t wash away these systemic issues in a great wave of black women’s pleasure. But it is a start. “Sex encourages self-love and patience when dealing with oppression by teaching us that we don’t have to put our pleasure, of any kind, in the hands of others,” says Tiffani Lashai Curtis, a sex writer in Philadelphia. We deserve to feel joy, excitement and—you guessed it—pleasure.

The more time I spend working toward good sex, the more I’m feeling the power in other areas of my life. Learning to say no to something I’m not into in bed helps me say no to situations and conversations in which I feel unsafe. Learning to ask my partner for exactly what I want is helping me learn to call out relationships where I’m getting less than I deserve. Learning to speak up during sex is teaching me to speak up in life.

Prioritizing good sex isn’t exactly easy—it means doing the emotional work, shedding centuries of stereotypes and oppression, and most important, rediscovering my voice as a black woman. It’s a challenge. But it’s worth it. Black women deserve validation, one orgasm at a time.

A. Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez is a diversity content specialist. Follow her on Twitter @amrothom.

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Another Priest Escape Death In Enugu State

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Bandits

A Catholic Priest identified as Fr. Chimezie Ani escaped death in Enugu State after he was attacked by gunmen.

 Fr. Ani was attacked by gunmen at Ugwuomu Emene, a suburb of Enugu metropolis, late in the evening on Thursday.
Confirming the attack, Fr. Benjamin Achi,  spokesman of the Enugu Diocese of Catholic Church said the priest escaped his assilants without any injury.
Achi said the gunmen were firing at an SUV jeep when the priest ran into them in his car
According to him, a haul of bullets hit the car of the priest but he escaped unhurt.
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Police Arrest Killers Of Fr. Offu

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Khalid Mohammed
The suspected killers of Enugu Catholic Priest, Fr. Paul Offu have been arrested by the police.
They were paraded at the Enugu State Police Headquarters on Friday.
According to the police, the suspects were identified as Ibrahim Adamu (25 yrs) from Taraba State and Idris Tobe (25 yrs).
Three other suspects, Garba Basulugu, Mohammed Lagu and Mojunpan Duna, were said  to be at large.
Fr. Offu was killed in Agbudu, Awgu LGA, Enugu State on August 1.
Briefing journalists at the Police Headquarters in Enugu on Friday, Sulaiman Balarabe, the Commissioner of Police, said two of the suspected killers of Fr. Offu were arrested in different locations at Abia and Benue State.
Balarabe said the police were trailing the remaining three suspects at large.
He said the suspects were also behind the kidnap of a traditional ruler, Igwe Sunday of Agbogugu town and his wife on August 4.
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Seized Properties: Former Governor Yari Drags EFCC To Court

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A former governor of Zamfara State, Abdulaziz Yari, has dragged the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), to court.

Yari prayed the Federal High Court Abuja, to direct the EFCC to unseal his property located at Maitama, Abuja.

In an exparte motion brought by his Counsel, Mahmud Magaji, (SAN), he said the EFCC sealed the property contrary to the provision of the law. News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the the Federal High Court Abuja had, earlier in the day, granted the ICPC leave to freeze some funds in Yari’s Zenith and Polaris Bank. Magaji, who said that the application was to ensure each government agencies operates within the confines of the law, urged the judge to invoke his power to direct the EFCC to remove the red inscription pasted on the house.”

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The former Zamfara governor said the EFCC has no right to seize his property without a court order.

He said the application was supported by 11-paragraph affidavit and also supported by a written address dated Aug. 16. ”We adopt same in urging your Lordship to grant our application as prayed,” he said.

The counsel argued that in as much as the applicant did not intend to prevent any government agency from performing its function, due process of the law must be followed in carrying out such duty. ”We urge your Lordship to direct parties to maintain status quo pending the determination of the suit,” Magaji said.

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Justice Taiwo Taiwo, who ordered that the case be heard during the vacation period, however adjourned the matter till August 19 for ruling.

Yari is being accused of allege corruption in his capacity as governor of Zamfara state.

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